Why Practical Jokes Should be Left to Land Lubbers

I'm just reporting the facts. Practical jokes are hilarious... until someone loses an eye... or worse, has to take the head (toilet) apart. "Funnyman Floyd" would be a great alias for my story, but alas, Just-Plain-Ole-Jim-the-Joker will have to do... and it's not an alias at all.

It all started when I saw this cute little handbag at a craft fair. It was made out of soda and beer tabs. I loved it and wanted one. But being both cheap and creative, I decided I could save money and be clever by making it myself. My inspiration grew and I began thinking that a bikini out of beer tabs would be even cuter. But, because I won't stick to a diet- the idea of collecting so many beer tabs for my bikini seemed too ominous. I decided to stick with the handbag - it would take far less beer tabs. (Here are some examples of super cute handbags.)

Bad Kitty doesn't like the black hose to the shop vac; she hates it. Bad Kitty becomes big and puffed up, growling and using kitty curse-words, before launching herself out the companionway like a scary Halloween demon whenever Jim pulls out the hose for some good old redneck entertainment. This is one of Jim's favorite tricks. Another delight is hiding my cup of coffee in the wee hours when I'm groggy so that I get confused. Sneaky up from behind and placing a cold beverage on my backside sends Jim rolling when I shriek, yell and go for Advil to tame the brain freeze (or I-Scream-Headache) he's given me. He's a barrel of monkeys.

We were anchored in Mazatlan's Old Harbor last month when Jim came up with a new prank... sneaking a few beer tabs from my cute handbag collection into my britches. I discovered his new found fun when I sat down to eat lunch and felt an uncomfortable jab. I fished the tab out of my pants and then had to throw it away. I rolled my eyes as he busted a gut across the table from me. He says he's been getting compliments lately that he looks 25. Well, he may think he looks 25, but he most assuredly behaves like a 12 year old.

Well, I'm the one that got the last laugh. Yep... you put two and two together. Not one... but two of those tabs ended up in the head and got flushed down into the mechanics and clogged the works. Jim had to take the head apart and fish out the obstruction. When he discovered what it was, he came out of the head and held the two chewed up tabs in front of my face and said, "Look at what you did!" I won't tell you what I said because I'm polite. But, I am laughing still even as I write this down.